Why Tinder is HOT and OkCupid is Really NOT

OMG. Tinder What are you? Where have you been? Why are you so spectacular?

Let me count the ways: 

  1. You show me men nearby on my phone
  2. Swipe to left if I don't like him
  3. Swipe to the right if I do 
  4. You tell me if we matched immediately
  5. I could write him now or later
  6. You tell me if we have Facebook friends or likes in common
  7. You tell me his real first name and age
  8. You won't tell me his height so I can't be prejudiced
  9. You let me judge based on just photos allowing me to be completely honest with myself since I do that on OkCupid anyway
  10. You are in touch with reality
  11. You are instantly gratifying
  12. You might just be about sex...
  13. But I don't care
  14. You've connected me to a really interesting man with an accent and we've been on 3 dates...*
  15. OkCupid has NEVER done that

*Stay tuned for posts on my dates with the mysterious man from Latin America. No sex to report.

The Summer of Adulthood...or Something Like That

Hot, hot, hot. It's been insanely, inhumanely hot on the east coast this past week. I've tried everything to cool down including putting an ice pack on my head to fall asleep. I lost the battle with air conditioning and finally installed it in my bedroom window, this time more gracefully than last year.

With no AC in my living room I can't enjoy my new "adult" - not from Ikea! - couch, which just arrived last week (after waiting six weeks for delivery). It literally feels like a furnace when you sit on it, as does my toilet seat.

My adult apartment

Last week the infamous pool in my neighborhood that hasn't been a swimming pool for 30 years finally reopened. I've been looking forward to this for the past four years but never thought I'd still be in living in the area to see it. I'm still here and now this beautiful giant pool that holds 1,500 people (screaming kids included) is right around the corner.

I didn't mind waiting in line for one hour on the second day of it's opening. What i did mind was when my friend and I were just 10 people back from getting inside some punk-ass teenagers decided to punch some lifeguards in the face - because they didn't like the rule about no diving and flipping into the pool - and ruin any chances us sane, hot people had of cooling down. Pool closed for the night. Nice work neighborhood.

Photo: This what the pool looks like when you can't swim bc some punks beat up a lifeguard and cops come to bust it up.
Hot and sweaty view from the outside.

My friend and I did what any childless thirty-somethings would do in this situation...we hightailed it over to the kiddie playground and frolicked in the sprinklers. At first it felt awkward and I worried that my guy friend and I would be listed on Brooklyn's sex offender's list (it's illegal to enter a playground without a child)...but we weren't the only adults there and it was still100 degrees at 6pm so we threw caution to wind (or water in this case), and it felt glorious.

It's true. I have feet.

Dear readers, without a doubt it's really, truly summer. The ACs are in, the pool are open (sometimes), and in two days I turn the respectable adult age of 34. I hope everyone goes to as many outdoor/rooftop BBQs and parties as possible, and that each and every one of you has a summer fling.

In the meantime, here is a summer song that makes me wish I were driving in a convertible on my way to the beach. Happy fourth of July!