54. October 2011: Seth, The White Rapper

How did you meet? Hipster speed dating (like regular speed dating but at a shitty bar)  

Name: Seth 

Height: 6'0" 

Age: 28 

Occupation: markets some luxury product


Good quotes from date: I arrived at the bar a few minutes before him. He came up behind me and greeted me with a "Yo."* Nothing says romance like a two word greeting that only rappers and 12 year-olds use in a non-ironic way. 

Sometime during the date: "I usually don't date white people" ** (File under WTF)

The end of the date: "I'm gonna bounce." *** 

*He is a WHITE person - a half jewish guy from the midwest!
**I'm a WHITE person.
**Nope, he's still WHITE. And still not a rapper. 

Why is he still single?  See EVERYTHING I've written. 

Did he pay for the date? When the check came I found him so offensive that I actually wanted to pay for my own drink so I wouldn't have blood on my hands. I threw down a 20 immediately and told him I'd get change to give him. He told me he'd pay. I asked why (me being a WHITE person and all...) and he said, it's because you work in non-profit. Hahaha, he giggled. What a peach.

Did he contact you after the date? Oh god no. 

How many dates did you go on? 1 

Would you recommend to a friend? only to my non-white friends...JK. NO 



Ladies and gents I'm going to confess that I was really excited (and even a bit nervous) for this date, which is a rare feeling these days. I had high hopes mostly because we'd already met and I knew he was cute and funny and an excellent dresser. 

And since we'd already met he knew I was a WHITE person. The sad part about that comment is that just before, he was telling me why he went to speed dating...because he feels really ready for a serious relationship. He's been single for over two years and is tired of casually dating.

I don't see how I could NOT be offended by that comment. It's like going on a date with a brunette and saying, "Well I'm really into blondes, they're hot." Except you can actually change your hair color but I'll continue to be white no matter what. 


I'll confess that after that I didn't find his weird, immature, hip-hop speak cute or charming anymore. I became a snarky passive-aggressive bitch and just wanted to go the fuck home.  I don't like people that waste my time and think it's funny. 

He for some reason walked me north a couple of streets with his bike and then hugged me awkwardly with the bike between us (symbolic no?). He then said, "We'll hang out again." Like a statement. Like I was waiting for him to say that. Like he thought I was into him and wanted to see him again. 

As I trudged home in my sexy heeled boots (I wore heels for this guy!) thoroughly disappointed I remembered that I once dated a guy exactly like Seth when I was 26. His name was Wayne and he too was cute, smirky, semi-charming, a good dresser, and he also said immature, offensive shit that at the time I thought was hilarious. He was too cool for school and when my friends met him they thought he was a huge asshole. 



They were right of course, but I made some excuses like "when we're alone he's a different person." Blah, blah. We dated for 3 months before I had a come-to-jesus-moment and agreed with my friends. 




I'm happy to say that 6 years later, thankfully, I can smell this type of dude right away and I have learned to run as fast as possible (in heeled boots).

Hipster Speed Dating

Finally! A new mode of dating! And finally a friend was willing to go with me. Actually it was her idea. She knows the woman who hosts the hilarious yet accurately named monthly speed dating event in our neighborhood: "The Internet Killed Your Social Skills."

It works like this:

10 dudes and 10 ladies wearing sticky unattractive name tags, armed with a sheet of paper and a mini-golfing mini-pencil.The ladies stay in their seats while the men rotate. The hope is to see into your dates' souls during the length of one hip song.Then onto the next.

You write down the name of your dates on the paper, and at the end of the night you circle who you are in love/lust with. If they circled you too the host/matchmaker lets you know a few days later. The rest is up to you.

My experience went like this:

I shared my booth with another girl and her first speed date looked really familiar. His face, his name, this bar. Wait a minute...oh yes. Of course.  I've been on a date with that guy, Dave, last year! He was date #15. We met on OkCupid. Wait another minute...we actually had our date at this VERY SAME bar! What are the odds? 

I should stop asking that because I think we all know since beginning this project the odds are very much in my favor just about every time I leave my house. 

SWITCH! Dave is now my speed date. He sticks out his hand. I contemplate not saying anything to him, but who am I kidding? So I lead with the fact that we've actually been out before at this same bar. "Oh right" he says, but I don't really think he remembers. It's okay. It wasn't a bad date or a good date, it was pretty average. I would have gone on a second date but he never followed up.

Here he is still single. And here I am still single. Interesting. I don't really feel anything after talking to him again so I don't circle his name.

Afterwards, I tell my friend, Amy, about this amazing coincidence.  She smiles at me like it's old news. "Of course, you've been out with one of these guys - you've dated everyone in Brooklyn!" Luckily I still maintain a fabulous sense of humor.

Out of the 10 guys some were nerdy, a few were sweet, but most were not my type - except my last speed date, Seth. He was cute, he was funny, he was somewhat age-appropriate. I fell for his smirk and his newly inked tattoo. I know, I know. But tattoos are sexy, ok?

So we chat. I circle his name.  After the dating game is over I stick around to chat with him. He buys me a beer. I find out, of course!, that he is good friends with Dave, date #15.

My 100 first dates, like some time travel theories, are moving forward in a circlular pattern instead of a linear one. My life is getting very sci-fi. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing.

Seth asks me for my number and says we should hang out. I agree. He gives me a giant hug and picks me up. I love this, because I'm a tall-ish girl and we never get picked up. I ride home on my bike happy that speed dating was a successful experiment.

Within a week we have a drink date scheduled. I'm excited and nervous. Stay tuned for Seth, date #54 who is BFFs with date #15.