Yesterday, as I wrote this, I should have been in a car driving upstate to a sculpture exhibit with Brian. Technically it would have been our 6th date. But I wasn't.
I say "technically" the 6th date because our 5th "date" was less a date and more of a "hang out" because well...here's what happened:
Date planning via text (he hasn't called me once) he says, "I'm taking to you a sake bar in the village. Get your drinking dress on." Perfect, I thought. I've had a long week at work, I enjoy a fancy sake and that bar is a perfect, romantic date spot. Wait - did I say "romantic"? Silly, silly me.
We meet outside the bar and Brian is drunk. He's been drinking all afternoon he says (keep in mind it's a Thursday). Also, Brian is not alone. He brought a friend, George. Surprise!
Is it ok, he asks, if George comes along (on our romantic sake date)? I'm annoyed and I'm being put on the spot. What could I say? "Oh, sure!"
As the liquor flows on our threesome "date" Brian gets more sloshed. He is drunk-loud-talking in the tiny, quiet bar. He is touching my leg and holding my hand, and trying to kiss me on lips in public in front of George like we're an old-time couple.
At some point the conversation turns to dating, couples and babies.
Them: "All our friends are married with babies."
Me: "Well that's par for the course when you reach a certain age...how old are you both?"
George: "I'm 42."
Brian: "39." He quickly changes the subject to sake.
Wait a minute...
Me to Brian: "Then why does your OkCupid profile say you're 37?"
Him: "Because I like to date younger women. Because I want to have kids and 39 year old women can't have kids. Because my friend's wife told me to lie. Because younger women always have 38 as their cut off age. It's not a big deal."
Me: speechless, with these thoughts running through my head...
"39 yr old healthy women CAN have babies!
What kind of girly-man lies about his age to be younger?
Who cares about 2 years!?
My cut off age online is 40 but it really depends on the person.
Wow, this is yet another man who has lied to me about his age.
How can this man support kids when he doesn't even have a stable job or health insurance?
What the hell am I doing here?
What the hell is George is doing here?
Instead I say: "Waitress, more sake please!"
It wasn't one thing that turned me off about Brian that night it was everything -- the showing up drunk part, the bringing a friend part, the groping part, the lying about his age part, the yelling part, the complaining about how much debt he's in as he throws down his credit card part.
Weekends are precious to me and I knew I didn't want to spend a full day with Brian. Or any partial days either. That's the thing about dating (online or otherwise). The more you spend time with a person the more you should learn things about them that you like, NOT things that annoy the shit out of you.
I stayed true to my "going with my gut" modus operandi that is helping me think less, feel more and keep moving forward. I texted Brian that I was going to have pass on the trip upstate. I needed some "alone time."
And when I said alone time I really meant spend the entire day with Gabe time. That's right.