Name
: Pedro Fleminguez
Height
: 6'2"
Age
: Ugh...49.
Occupation
: advertising
Relationship Status
: married
How long have you lived in NYC?
My whole dating life, 49 years. I started early.
Do you think dating in NYC is more difficult than
other places?
Has to be easier because there are so many people. What if
you lived in tiny town with limited dating resources?
How did you meet your wife?
On the web.
Nerve.com
- I was her first online date just after she got divorced.
I remember Nerve, it was pre-OkCupid and cooler. So online dating worked for you.
What were your other online dating experiences?
I tried Lava and Match
for a couple of months but the vibe wasn't really my style. A lot of
people seemed a bit burnt out and jaded. It was pretty tough to find
positive interesting profiles. Nerve had some more creative people on
there. I had some of your typical online experiences. People writing you
who were obviously not your type. Learning how to let them down easy.
People who didn't look like their photos. OCD types, heavy drinkers etc.
You
got married later in life. Why the wait?
Life happens. In the beginning
I was just young and not ready to settle down. Was in the restaurant
biz-had a bar and bakery-it took up a lot of time and I also didn't feel
financially established. Women put a huge amount of emphasis on that
and in turn men put pressure on themselves. I finally started a second
career and by the time I got established I was in my forties. Layer that
with trying to find a "soul mate" and not necessarily wanting kids and
you wind up losing a lot of time.
When did you know she was "the one"?
How long
were you together before you asked her to marry you?
It probably took a
little longer because she was separated but not yet divorced. I had to
take it slow, she seemed skittish, but that was good for the
relationship. I knew she was special right from the start, but I'd say a
couple of months into it was when I really knew we had something
special. After about a year we talked seriously about getting married
and agreed I'd pop the question within 6 months. Which I did, and then
we got hitched 8 months after that.
Did you ever have doubts about getting
married?
Not to my wife, but before. Yup, lots of doubts. My brother got
married when I was 17 or something. I had a nightmare about it...lol.
Then, I just thought I'd like to wait until I was a much older at least
30. Life sometimes gets in the way, there are so many factors. I was in
the restaurant business and not making much money. I think, I felt
insecure about what I could bring to the table in terms of a marriage.
Then I changed careers, but needed to find a good match. Takes a while
sometimes.
What is the best part of being married and what is the most difficult?
The
best part is having a great friend that you always want to spend time
with and can always depend on. It doesn't seem like it's really been
that difficult, for me the hard part is being so vulnerable to someone.
It makes it easy to get hurt.
How do you keep the romance alive?
I try never to
take my wife for granted. And I try not to over think things. If I feel
like saying "I love you." I just say it. Plus, we still try and do
special things together. Big things like going away and little things
like going on walks.
Do you plan to have kids? Why
not?
Timing was a bit of a factor for me...just kind of got too old.
Mostly, I just never felt up to the job. It's a lot of work and
commitment and I think I'm just a bit selfish about my time. My wife is a
teacher and she feels the same way. Plus, she's around kids all
day...
Was this a mutual decision and did you talk about
if before you got married?
Hell yeah. I actually know people who got
married without that discussion. That's just one of the major
discussions you should have.
If there is one piece of advice that you could
give all women about marriage, what would it be?
Make sure he's the
right one. Wait as long as it takes and don't go in thinking you can fix
his problems. There will be compromises, but when it's with the right
person it won't feel that way.