100 First Dates

65. February 2012: Anonymous

2012-02-24T11:00:00.000-05:00

My bike & the Manhattan Bridge

Sometimes the line between my real life and my blogging life is definitive and easy to see. It divides and separates. Sometimes the line blurs and fades, and other times it's more like a bridge that merges my various lives and brings me closer to others.

Date #65 and I developed a friendship through this blog. With friendship comes trust and he trusts that I won't write about him. So I won't.

Dating in (gasp!) Brooklyn

2012-02-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

I don't mean to brag but my borough of Brooklyn is better than the others. Sure, sometimes life here has an uncanny resemblance to the hilarious sketch show Portlandia with hipsters riding skateboards and fixies to organic vegan cafes to sip overpriced fair trade coffee or to go stuff their canvas tote bags (purchased from Etsy) with produce (kale and beets) from the local farmers market.

But hey guess what? I like those things - biking, being outside, eating fresh local food, and ever since I worked at a coffee shop in high school where I learned the difference between light and dark roasts ("the darker the bean the less caffeine" - mind blowing) I've been a huge coffee snob. So there. I heart Brooklyn!

Sometimes I date people who don't live in Brooklyn. If they live in Queens they are excited to come Brooklyn. If they live in Manhattan they are not, and when I say which train to take to my place they say, "Come on! The G train is not real." Then they suggest we meet somewhere in Manhattan.

After reading this article from The L Magazine about 18 Brooklyn Dates, I'm even more fired up to get my dates to my borough. There are some great activities, bars and restaurants on this list for every type of date. So come to Brooklyn, get drunk, and make out.

I particularly loved the "Is this a date?" date and the "Perfunctory Let’s-Just-Go-Have-Sex Date", however my favorite was the last one pasted below. Kinda how I picture my wedding proposal scenario...

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The Proposal Date

The Cyclones don’t start up again until summer, and the Nets don’t move here until next season, so unfortunately there are no Jumbotrons at your disposal.

6:30pm: If you’re going to drop a knee, quite honestly, you should do it somewhere with personal significance to you and your beloved. Why would you take proposal advice from a free magazine? This blurb is probably being written by an intern whose most successful relationship lasted for seven glorious minutes in the bathroom at Sophie’s. But ok.

The River Café (1 Water Street), in the armpit of the Brooklyn Bridge, with its dazzling Manhattan view, is maybe our borough’s schmanciest restaurant. Here’s what you do: make a reservation for two. Stand your date up. Call, say, sorry I’m running late. “Are you near music?” Say, “What do you mean?” Her: “It’s just that I thought I heard—no, I do hear Peter Gabriel’s ‘In Your Eyes.’ It’s getting closer!” Say, “Oh, that. Well, look outside.” She goes to the window. Boombox. Arms. Bam. Grandkids.

Listen! I Get Rejected in the Nicest Way by a Radio DJ

2012-02-21T00:21:00.001-05:00

I'm not a morning person so I need a few things to get me out of bed. One is good coffee. Another is the Elvis Duran Morning show on the radio. I've had a crush on the TJ the DJ for about a year now and finally got up the guts to ask him out via Twitter (you know, the normal way).

Listen to the podcast here to find out what he says. (He and his lovely co-host Loren call me at the 7 minute mark).

64. January 2012: Mike, This is Your Brain on Drugs

2012-02-17T07:00:00.000-05:00

How did you meet? online, of course!

Name: Mike

Height: 5'10"

Age: 33

Occupation: lawyer

Good quotes from date:

Him: "Have you been on a lot of these date?"

Me: "Yeah, a lot. How about you?"

Him: "Yeah, a bunch."

Me: "I wonder if that's the same number."

Why is he still single? ummm

Did he pay for the date? Yes

Did he contact you after the date? Nope, but he walked me home, which was nice

How many dates did you go on? 1

Would you recommend to a friend? don't think so

Comments:

I think it's good rule of thumb to NOT talk about drug use on your first date...or the second or even the third. Yes, I can handle a good pot story and I even have a few of my own, but I don't want to talk about that right away. I also don't want to hear about how much cocaine you did in law school, or about your new year's eve where "everyone at the party was on MDMA." Apparently I'm a grandma because I had to ask what that is. You learn something on every date, I suppose.

Dating Made Less Complicated

2012-02-16T17:43:00.001-05:00

From the New Yorker

Will You Be My Valentine?

2012-02-14T07:00:00.000-05:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, LOVES!

All of you are my valentines today. I'm very lucky to have so many lovers (readers).
Here is my gift to you...some wonderful/weird things to smile about today.

To Minnie Shank from Anna Miller, 1906

My grandfather likes to collect very old things. He had these antique Valentine's Day cards displayed on his mantel last weekend. Most are not between a man and woman or overly romantic. I wish you all happiness today (and everyday).

Peter Pan Bakery

The window of my local donut shop. As a person who doesn't like donuts, these are the only ones I will deign to eat. How good are they you ask? Tina Fey described them by saying, "If I had a penis, I would put it in this doughnut." I'll take a red velvet or a sour cream one please.

The flower district

An entire store just for roses in every color. I wouldn't mind an orange or yellow one today.

WTF?

Saw this box of chocolates at the pharmacy. Unclear about the message. Is love like unicorns - magical yet mythical and therefore unattainable? Whatever the case it's weird. Do not give me this today.

Oh my god - this book. From A to Z the prose is both gut-wrenching and beautiful. Read this today.

Finally, literature and making out: Two of my very favorite things.

Cream or Sugar?

2012-02-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks Starbucks...

My morning cup of coffee reminded me that I still don't have a date for Valentine's day...any takers?

63. January 2012: John, How About Those Giants?

2012-02-11T00:00:00.000-05:00

How did you meet? Friend set us up via email. She's his cousin.

Name: John (My New Year's Day date)

Height: 6'0"

Age: 31

Occupation: architect (so was Date 62)

Good quotes from date:

Him: "I feel totally comfortable and relaxed because we know someone in common."

Me: "I feel like I should be on my best behavior because we know someone in common."

Why is he still single? I'm not sure. He's cute and funny and super nice.

Did he pay for the date? Yes. He offered because I went to his neighborhood.

Did he contact you after the date? He asked me to text him when I got home because, I quote: "I want to make sure you get home safely, since I can't walk you to your door." (sweet)

How many dates did you go on? 1

Would you recommend to a friend? Yes

Comments:

I liked the idea of having a first date on January 1st to start off the new year right. In my lifetime I've had only three set-up dates. One where my cousin set me up with a co-worker eons ago, and another last year where a friend set me up with her former roommate (see #38). I'm totally willing to go on a set-up date because it's easy. I don't have to engage in witty banter for weeks over email and I trust that my friends know me.

But that doesn't mean they know who I'm going to click with. It's still up to us to stir up some chemistry. Sadly, with John there wasn't any of that. Although he is sweet, smart and funny, at too many points during the date we both found ourselves fascinated more by the Giants game on TV than our conversation. Note: I don't like football**. So there you are.

I cannot explain what it is about set-ups specifically but all I can say is this - They don't work! At least not for me. Have they worked for you? Share your stories in the comments. I'm very curious.

**I actually watched the Superbowl in its entirety; a first for me. About as exciting as this date.

News Flash: Fade to Black

2012-02-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

Hitting Reply: Not Difficult

After four (great) dates, Date #61 faded away...

Over a few emails we talked about meeting up on a Sunday. He said he'd get in touch to firm up plans. Not hearing from him early Sunday, I texted him. He ignored my text message and I never heard from him again.

This dating project has taught me so many wonderful things about what I need and so did #61. He reminded me not only of what I need but what I deserve:

Someone who is consistent in his actions not just his words (say what you mean, do what you say)
Someone who is respectful of me and my time (answer a text message)
Someone who is mature enough to communicate honestly (don't want to see me anymore? just tell me)
In short, someone who is trustworthy

I am thankful for the time we shared together. And I am also thankful that he faded away because how he faded is important.

...the end.

Q&A: How Do You Know When a Guy Likes You?

2012-02-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

Question from a reader, Jai...

Getting Mixed Signals?

How can you tell when a guy is into you?

It's so simple it hurts me to answer this. And yet as a woman, I know how complicated we've made this answer. We've analyzed (over gallons of ice cream) the meaning of every line of every text message and email, the frequency of these messages, the things he says to us in person, and what we think he's thinking during the times we don't hear from him at all.

Ladies, please stop. Just stop. I know it's really difficult to stop because women work problems out by talking. It's how we understand the world and the things that make no sense to us (read - dating). I know because I still do this sometimes but I'm learning to do this less - because it only hurts me. The three million scenarios I've conjured up as to why he hasn't called/texted/emailed/asked me out again only fill me with anxiety.

Let it go. You'll never understand why. Maybe he wasn't "that into you"; maybe he was and got scared; maybe his job is his focus right now; maybe he's back with his ex; maybe he's depressed; maybe he's a douchebag and after you slept with him he's over you; maybe he's thinking about you but doesn't know what to say or do so he doesn't do anything at all.

LET IT GO.

You'll know when a man is into you because you won't feel the need to analyze his every move. He is present in your life. He texts/emails/calls fairly regularly so you don't forget about him. He plans dates and asks you to go out (also regularly). When you are together he shows he's into you.

He opens a door, he holds your hand, he snuggles with you in the booth at the bar. He isn't afraid of showing his affection. He emails you silly or sad or interesting articles relating to the conversations you had on your date. He doesn't just talk about himself; he engages you in a dialogue. He remembers what you say. He asks you how your day or week is going.

He shares his thoughts with you and when he contacts you during the times when you aren't together he's saying (sometimes without actually saying): "I'm thinking about you." Bottom line - He is consistent with these actions.

When a man likes you and wants to pursue a relationship with you he wants you to know that he likes you. He doesn't want you to be confused about this. Because he has a hunch that you are pretty amazing and if he doesn't show you how he feels, someone else will.

And you are amazing.
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Do you have a question about dating, relationships or men? Email me at 100fd@100fd.com or post in the comments below.

I may not have the answers but I definitely have some thoughts.