from the annals of online dating

I apologize; it's been a slow month so i thought this little entry might explain why.

A REAL ONLINE DATING CHAT LAST WEEK (my comments are in italics)

him: sup, shawty, you seem pretty alright
him: check me out, i'm hot

me: do you like kris kross?
      *his username was from one of their songs circa early 1990s

him: are you asking me if i missed the bus?
 him: or if i jump?
him: jump?
him: (obvz)

*at this point i've had a long week and he is making me laugh, so we throw terrible lyrics from kris    kross back and forth..I have yet to check out his profile

me: A young lovable, hugable type of guy And everything is the back with a little slack And inside-out is wiggida wiggida wack. could that be you??

him: hahah - i could only hope to live my life in such a way. in totes honestz, i think that "waaaaaa" signature sound that is in jump, jump is like the most awesome musical sound

*i check out his profile, and by check it out i mean i go straight to the photos. he looks cute, pics of him hiking, at a barbecue, at a wedding...

me: wait. can i ask you a question?

him: hmmm, ask long as it is framed in the style of something like "how are you so amazing/awesome/hot/etc".
him: deal?

me: how about...what exactly is up with your penis picture?

*the last picture is a close, close up of his penis. i screamed. wouldn't you?

me: do you find the ladies like that?

him: lol

me: lol...i need more explanation.

him: that was an ironic-humor joke
him: like wearing a mustache
him: or a trucker hat

me: i wish your penis was wearing a mustache and/or trucker hat
me: that would be amazing

him: hahah
him: wanna hear a sweet secret

me: DUH, yes

him: i'm gonna be pauly d from the shore for halloween
him: and i'm wearing my outfit right now
him: i just finished purchasing (most) of it tonight

me: pauly d has a prince albert...are you going to be authentic?

him: lol. well... no (lowers my head in emasculation)

me: its not too late. halloween won't really be official until saturday night. just sayin'

him: haha
him: i dknow
him: ive heard scary things about it