A year in the life of my "relationship" with date #4: Mike

You may remember date #4 (also known as Mr. Wishy-Washy, Mr. Non-Committal, or Mr. There's-no-chemistry-between-us-but-really-i'm lying) from February of last year.  More than a year later he still comes in and out of my life...

February 2010:

Mike was one of the very few men that i felt real first date chemistry with that led to an unprecedented whirlwind of phone calls (yes, really!), gmail chats, texts, and five dates packed into two short weeks (in New York time this may as well have been 4 months). Sound too good to be true? It usually is.

After i received his email stating that were was NO chemistry between us and we should just be friends, and really we should, because i'm such a great, funny, smart woman...i felt hurt and rejected and knew he was lying. There absolutely WAS chemistry, which might be what scared him. I said "no, thanks" to the friendship request.

April 2010:

i get an email saying "hi, how are you? Do you want to meet for coffee sometime?" I was excited and confused and wondered what his true intent could be. Is he coming back for another try? Or does he still want to try to be friends? And more importantly what do I want?

I decided to ask him point blank--what are your intentions for this coffee meeting? He actually answered very openly that he felt he made a mistake and wanted to see if anything was there between us. Yes! Of course i'll meet up with you, call me when you get back from your work trip. He never did. Again, i felt rejected.

So i did what any self-respecting woman would do: i de-friended him on facebook and moved on.

September 2010:

But then the summer came and one of my favorite things to do is bike around the city. My girlfriends aren't really into this, and i knew Mike had a bike. Could we really be friends? I didn't know, but i did know that i was seriously lacking in the guy-friend department. And, okay, yes, secretly i did want to see if the chemistry was still there. He responded immediately, and we met up a few days later. We had a coffee and biked around.

The most amazing thing happened while sipping my coffee on a park bench. I felt NOTHING. No chemistry, no attraction, in fact i wondered if i might have imagined those butterflies-in-my-stomach-inducing five dates. I was completely turned off by his negativity towards work and life, and how he was a bit like a grumpy old man. This was not the Mike i met before, but i realized it was the real Mike. We emailed a few times after but never met up again.

March 2011:

Last weekend I'm sitting on the beach in puerto rico on a much needed vacation. I check my phone for the time and see a text message from a Boston area code. I only know two people with Boston numbers: one friend whose number i know, and Mike. (i never saved his in my phone because if he couldn't commit to me then i couldn't commit to storing his #).

Him: "Passing through your neighborhood!"

Me: "On your bike?" and i mentioned something about being on a beach.

Him: "Yes. Enjoy the sunshine!"

So i did what any self-respecting woman would do: I rolled over on my towel, confused and amused, and enjoyed the warm sunshine.