Bring me a mai tai!

My arm is bleeding. Not "call-911" bleeding but i see blood among the three long scrapes on my inner forearm. This is an "i-don't-have-a-boyfriend" injury.

In this 9,000 degree unseasonably sticky weather i dragged my AC out from my closet, picked it up (remember my bad back? this activity is not good for it), flung it in my bedroom window and prayed for it not to drop three stories down on some unsuspecting hipster passerby.

If i had a boyfriend he would install my AC quickly and gracefully. I would have an ice cold beer waiting for him. I would not be bleeding right now.

But's now only about 1,000 degrees in my room so all is well and who said i need a man? I didn't; but i want one. However, the only man i want to spend time with these days is My Gay Husband.

Tomorrow we're jetting off to Florida to enjoy a much needed vacation. We need a dating detox. My massage will wipe away the memories of my past three painful dates. And no, in case you're wondering Michael still hasn't asked My Husband out on a second date, although they see each at work everyday. Bastard!

We will alternate cooling ourselves between the pool and the ocean. People (and by people, i hope good-looking men with muscles) will bring us drinks with umbrellas in them and rum and tequila. We will be ready to face the dating world again next week - where i have to schedule dates with three dudes all named "Brian". I know it's weird.

But until then, enjoy your weekend!