50. September 2011: Stan the Magician

How did you meet? online, the site HowAboutWe

Name: Stan

Height: 5'7"

Age: 32

Occupation: business something or other

Good quotes from date: "I write jokes but I don't need to do stand-up. I don't have to prove anything...I don't have an ego." 

(EVERYONE has an ego. Is it really a joke if no one ever hears it?)

Why is he still single? He's lost in his own world. I nicknamed him the magician because he disappeared a few times on the date.

Did he pay for the date? More like the opposite. He couldn't even cough up 3 bucks to buy me a beer.

Did he contact you after the date? No

How many dates did you go on? one, sort of

Would you recommend to a friend?  No. He's like a child and a really bad magician.


Because it's fall and I'm on date #50 I thought it was high time I changed up my dating habits. I began by spending more time on the site HowAboutWe because it's more activity focused, less romance-y and less too-cool-for-school. Also, I'm beyond exhausted from "let's grab a drink" dates. 

I invited Stan to see an improv show at the theater where I take classes. He's really into comedy and since I was planning on seeing a show anyway, I had nothing to lose. 

We meet up for a drink beforehand (his idea). I get there first so I buy myself a drink. After one drink we have to get into the city for the show. It was on the walk to the subway when I first notice Stan's magician-like act. I'm in mid-sentence crossing the street and "poof!". He vanishes without a word. I turn around to see him descending down the subway steps. There are several entrances to the train so I guess I was en route to the other one across the street. I chase after him and say "Hey I guess we're taking this entrance?." He stares blankly at me. "Sorry" he said. 

We arrive at the will call window to get our tickets. It's 10 bucks for him and 5 for me since I'm a student. As I'm fumbling with my student ID I see Stan hand over a bill in the swiftest of motions and then "poof!". Gone again. WTF? 

Initially I wonder if Stan handed over $15 for the both of us because wouldn't that be nice? Then the guy in the booth says, "I still need 5 dollars." Right. Yes. Of couse my date didn't pay for me. Now that would be magic! Meanwhile, where the hell is my date?

I see him over at the bar downing a beer. "Wow you got a drink pretty quickly!" I say. "You were taking too long over there." he replies. If 2 minutes is too long then it is truly time I leave New York city. No, he didn't buy me a 3 dollar beer or ask if wanted one in case you were wondering.

Thankfully while handing over 3 dollars for my own beer, I see a few of my classmates, and head over with Stan in tow. He turnes out to be a fine conversationalist and I'm happy to have other people around.  We all sit together and see an amazing show.

Post-show, one of my classmates, Stan and I walk around the corner to use the bathroom at a bar since the line at the theater is too long. When she and I emerge from the bathroom I look around the bar and "poof!" again! No Stan. I assume he'd finish first because he's a dude. I wander outside to see if he's waiting for us. No Stan. 

Minutes tick by. My classmate and I wonder where the hell he can be. Suddenly he pops out  from around the corner. "Some guy was puking in the bathroom so I couldn't use it. I was walking around to find another bar." Right Stan, obviously.

After that I'm more than ready to go home. "I'm going to take the 7 train home this way." I say as I point uptown. Even though we live near each other Stan says he's taking another train in the opposite way. "Ok, see ya!" I say as it is finally my turn to "poof!" disappear. And I do, uptown, with my classmate. But not before he awkwardly shakes both of our hands and says, "nice to meet you!".

I had forgotten about this date entirely until Monday's improv class. One of the guys who was at the show on Friday asked about Stan. Was it a date? Sort of, kind of, not really. He said, "I saw him standing outside the bar, staring off into space. When I asked where you two went Stan said, 'I don't know, somewhere uptown.' " I died laughing.

That moment became the best part about that date.

Communication is key in any human relationship. Stan's disappearances would have have been much less mysterious had he said the following:

"Hey let's take this subway entrance." and;
"Hey I'm heading to the bar, can I get you a beer?" and finally;
"Hey I need to find another bathroom." After waiting for my friend and I to come out.

Halfway done with my 100 first dates project I've learned that people are still weird, communication is still important, and that some men don't like to buy women 3 dollar beers.