54. October 2011: Seth, The White Rapper

How did you meet? Hipster speed dating (like regular speed dating but at a shitty bar)  

Name: Seth 

Height: 6'0" 

Age: 28 

Occupation: markets some luxury product


Good quotes from date: I arrived at the bar a few minutes before him. He came up behind me and greeted me with a "Yo."* Nothing says romance like a two word greeting that only rappers and 12 year-olds use in a non-ironic way. 

Sometime during the date: "I usually don't date white people" ** (File under WTF)

The end of the date: "I'm gonna bounce." *** 

*He is a WHITE person - a half jewish guy from the midwest!
**I'm a WHITE person.
**Nope, he's still WHITE. And still not a rapper. 

Why is he still single?  See EVERYTHING I've written. 

Did he pay for the date? When the check came I found him so offensive that I actually wanted to pay for my own drink so I wouldn't have blood on my hands. I threw down a 20 immediately and told him I'd get change to give him. He told me he'd pay. I asked why (me being a WHITE person and all...) and he said, it's because you work in non-profit. Hahaha, he giggled. What a peach.

Did he contact you after the date? Oh god no. 

How many dates did you go on? 1 

Would you recommend to a friend? only to my non-white friends...JK. NO 



Ladies and gents I'm going to confess that I was really excited (and even a bit nervous) for this date, which is a rare feeling these days. I had high hopes mostly because we'd already met and I knew he was cute and funny and an excellent dresser. 

And since we'd already met he knew I was a WHITE person. The sad part about that comment is that just before, he was telling me why he went to speed dating...because he feels really ready for a serious relationship. He's been single for over two years and is tired of casually dating.

I don't see how I could NOT be offended by that comment. It's like going on a date with a brunette and saying, "Well I'm really into blondes, they're hot." Except you can actually change your hair color but I'll continue to be white no matter what. 


I'll confess that after that I didn't find his weird, immature, hip-hop speak cute or charming anymore. I became a snarky passive-aggressive bitch and just wanted to go the fuck home.  I don't like people that waste my time and think it's funny. 

He for some reason walked me north a couple of streets with his bike and then hugged me awkwardly with the bike between us (symbolic no?). He then said, "We'll hang out again." Like a statement. Like I was waiting for him to say that. Like he thought I was into him and wanted to see him again. 

As I trudged home in my sexy heeled boots (I wore heels for this guy!) thoroughly disappointed I remembered that I once dated a guy exactly like Seth when I was 26. His name was Wayne and he too was cute, smirky, semi-charming, a good dresser, and he also said immature, offensive shit that at the time I thought was hilarious. He was too cool for school and when my friends met him they thought he was a huge asshole. 



They were right of course, but I made some excuses like "when we're alone he's a different person." Blah, blah. We dated for 3 months before I had a come-to-jesus-moment and agreed with my friends. 




I'm happy to say that 6 years later, thankfully, I can smell this type of dude right away and I have learned to run as fast as possible (in heeled boots).