A Rom-Com Review: Something Borrowed

I watched the movie Something Borrowed last night. Although I read the book and knew the underdog girl would get the hot guy that didn't stop me from being excited to rush home on a rainy Friday night, jump into my sweatpants and watch it. Don't judge.

Warning - plot spoilers below...

Yes, my cynical self does occasionally like to indulge in stupid, mindless rom-coms but I had problems with this one immediately, beginning with both female lead characters. Kate Hudson's character Darcy is the most self-centered, bratty, annoying person on the planet behaving in ways that only middle school girls have the right to do. Ginnifer Goodwin plays Rachel, Darcy's lifelong best friend, who is spineless and generally pathetic always deferring to Darcy's needs and demands. It is unclear to us, the audience, how or why they stayed friends until age 30.

Dex the hot man who is engaged to Darcy (although we have NO idea why becuase there is less than no chemistry) is really in love with Rachel and she's in love with him. Dex and Rachel have been friends since that fateful first day of Torts class in law school. To understand this we are subjected to an insane amount of repeat flashbacks of them studying together, giggling, and totally oblivious that each has a crush on the other.

Flash forward to the opening scene at Rachel's 30th birday party where she whines about being an old spinster.  That night she and Dex have a drunken night of hot sex (in her impossibly giant Manhattan apartment), feel guilty, act weird, then make out a week later and have a not-so-drunken night of hotter sex while each lie to Darcy. I don't like Darcy but I like liars and cheaters much less. In the morning Dex gazes into Rachel's eyes and says he loves her. And she's HAPPY about this.

But as you can imagine things get complicated because Dex is also spineless and can't figure out how to please Darcy, his parents, Rachel and himself. Well, duh, lawyer-man... you can't!

He has to please himself but doesn't figure out how to do that (even after Rachel finally! spells it out soaking wet in the rain) until 10 minutes before the end of the movie. By this time I hate all the characters except maybe John Krasinski as Ethan who is the wise, guy friend to Rachel because he is the only one who is grounded in reality. And he's a novelist so that's hot.

But my love for Ethan quickly wanes as we come to find out that he's been in love with Rachel since middle school. Whoa didn't see that coming. Ok I kind of did but I was hoping it would go away. So the love triangle is now a square. Rachel smiles, pats him on the back and says something patronizing like, "Sorry I'm love with the spineless douchebag who doesn't have the balls to break off his engagement to my obnoxious best friend. Thanks for being there, though." Ouch - that hurts.

In the end it turns out Darcy is a cheater and liar too so we can't possibly empathize with her at all, and she and Dex break off the wedding (although we are spared from this scene). Dex goes to Rachel immediately because finally he has a few bones in his spine, and instead of giving him shit for waiting until the day before the wedding to grow a pair, Rachel hugs him and is so HAPPY.

Of course Darcy finds out that Dex cheated with Rachel and somehow, even though she cheated with Dex's friend, becomes incensed about this and chastises mostly Rachel (blame the woman, of course!) and says, "I hate you. I never want to see you again." Good riddance - you were the worst friend ever known to womankind.

Now Rachel is free to love Dex in the open and all is right in her sunny, oversized west village apartment. The "two months later" scene that closes the movie has Rachel in the sexiest outfit we've ever seen her in ('cause she's got a man now, sisters!) with a smile from ear to ear. She's carrying her hot boyfriend's dry cleaned shirt because that's what good spineless girlfriends do. She bumps into Darcy but we don't really care about that relationship because it was never legitimate in our eyes anyway. She meets Dex around the corner and they walk off into the sunset.