Question from a reader, Jai...
Getting Mixed Signals?
How can you tell when a guy is into you?
It's so simple it hurts me to answer this. And yet as a woman, I know how complicated we've made this answer. We've analyzed (over gallons of ice cream) the meaning of every line of every text message and email, the frequency of these messages, the things he says to us in person, and what we think he's thinking during the times we don't hear from him at all.
Ladies, please stop. Just stop. I know it's really difficult to stop because women work problems out by talking. It's how we understand the world and the things that make no sense to us (read - dating). I know because I still do this sometimes but I'm learning to do this less - because it only hurts me.
The three million scenarios I've conjured up as to why he hasn't called/texted/emailed/asked me out again only fill me with anxiety.
Let it go. You'll never understand why. Maybe he wasn't "that into you"; maybe he was and got scared; maybe his job is his focus right now;
maybe he's back with his ex; maybe he's depressed; maybe he's a douchebag and after you slept with him he's over you; maybe he's thinking about you but doesn't know what to say or do so he doesn't do anything at all.
LET IT GO.
You'll know when a man is into you because you won't feel the need to analyze his every move. He is present in your life. He texts/emails/calls fairly regularly so you don't forget about him. He plans dates and asks you to go out (also regularly). When you are together he shows he's into you.
He opens a door, he holds your hand, he snuggles with you in the booth at the bar. He isn't afraid of showing his affection. He emails you silly or sad or interesting articles relating to the conversations you had on your date. He doesn't just talk about himself; he engages you in a dialogue. He remembers what you say. He asks you how your day or week is going.
He shares his thoughts with you and when he contacts you during the times when you aren't together he's saying (sometimes without actually saying): "I'm thinking about you."
Bottom line - He is consistent with these actions.
When a man likes you and wants to pursue a relationship with you he wants you to know that he likes you. He doesn't want you to be confused about this. Because he has a hunch that you are pretty amazing and if he doesn't show you how he feels, someone else will.
And you are amazing.
Do you have a question about dating, relationships or men? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or post in the comments below.
I may not have the answers but I definitely have some thoughts.