A Hate Letter to Couples

Dear Couples,

I don't hate you. In fact I wouldn't mind being one half of a couple myself. But here's what I DO hate: When you think that every institution or event or mode of transportation is geared toward your twosome-ness and that those who are twosome-less must defer to your double needs. 

Let me provide you with some concrete examples:

  • While sitting alone in hipster movie theater that serves food at tables, you asked me to move one seat over to sit next to the other woman who was alone so you and your boyfriend could chomp on nachos y queso during the movie. I would like to point out that I arrived 30 minutes as per the website requests, "Come early to ensure that you sit with your party." I was sitting with my party of one and you ruined it.
    • (I moved one seat down but didn't like it.)
  • When sitting on a plane in an aisle seat that I reserved very far ahead of time because I, a) Plan my trips months in advance, and b) Need aisle seats to feel free, you asked me to sit in the row behind so you and your other half could sit together. Did you not notice when you bought your tickets that you had the ability to choose the numbered seats on the computer screen? Or did you just plan this trip last minute? Either way I don't care. Suck up the 3 hours to Florida separated.
    • (I did not move. They glared at me. I glared back. Satisfaction ensued.)
  • When spinning on my bike before Spin class a gentleman who was clearly new to the class - New Year's Resolution Guy let's call him - leans over and asks me if I wouldn't mind switching with his girlfriend who was on a bike in the far back corner - so they could spin together.  Ha! New Year's Resolution Guy clearly has never been to Spin before because he'd know there isn't time to chit-chat.
    • (I politely declined citing laziness and not wanting to readjust my bike. I also mentioned that there isn't time to chit-chat. Watched him as couldn't stand up on the bike in 2nd or 3rd positions. Satisfaction ensued.)

So couples, it looks the score is 2-1 and I'm winning. Try to remember what it was like when you weren't a twosome. When you were a one-some and you just wanted some peace and quiet: at the movies, on a plane, and in Spin.