75. Jun - Aug 2012: Craig, It's Not You. It's Me.

Dried roses: Longer lasting than my relationships

How did you meet? offline through Improv

Name: Craig

Height: 5'10"

Age: 34

Occupation: teacher

Good quotes from date(s):

"You're like the Bachelorette, and I'm competing to get a rose."

"Do you let certain people preview posts before they're published?"

Why is he still single? Looking for the right girl.

Did he pay for the date?  He paid for everything on the first date. The other dates we split or alternated who paid.

Did he contact you after the date? Yes. He's a phone call guy!

How many dates did you go on? 6 or 7

Would you recommend to a friend? Absolutely


Craig knew from the beginning that I had a dating blog and if he asked me out he'd be written about. He asked me out anyway. We had several casual dates over the summer - bars, dinners, bowling, movies. Dating him was comfortable and easy because we had some of the same friends and already knew a little about each other.

One hot, humid 100 degree night Craig told me he "like" liked me and that he could he see having a relationship with me. It was everything I wanted to hear from a kind, funny, genuine guy, who is a good communicator and who brought me flowers (Two of them preserved in the pic above). 

I freaked out. I was confused about him, about what I was looking for, about everything. I needed space and time to think and I told him so. He listened with an open mind and without judgement.

The problem was not him. It was me, except it wasn't a problem it was a fact. I did not have the same feelings for him that he had for me, but I really wanted to. I had an inkling that we didn't have a physical connection after our first kiss, but I didn't fully understand this until later. Turns out wanting something badly enough doesn't make it true.

I blame myself. I kept seeing him in hopes that chemistry would miraculously appear. I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking it too: After 75 dates I should know better.

Dating is an experiment with no scientific equations and measurements (even though online dating sites say otherwise) that guarantee the same result every time. There are many variables of which we have no control. This a hard concept to accept for logical, analytical people like me.

The only dating truth I know is this: I cannot create chemistry, it is there or it is not. The only thing I do have control over is to recognize this sooner rather than later. A lesson that I re-learn each time I go on a date.