81. February 2013: Ate Some Shrimp, Learned Some Lessons

Eat my shrimp n' grits

How did you meet? Online

Name: Matt

Height: 5'10"

Age: 38

Occupation:  writer/Phd candidate 

Good quotes from date(s):

Me: What's your problem?
Him: I have a lot, but right now I have a hole in my sock.

Him: I command you to eat some shrimp!
Me: Ok.

Why is he still single? Hmmm, see comments

Did he pay for the date?  Yes.

Did he contact you after the date? After the 1st date yes, after the 2nd...no.

How many dates did you go on? 2

Would you recommend to a friend? Possibly


Date 1: My dates in 2013 have been few because I lack the energy to put into online dating, and also because I've stayed true to my OkCupid strategy of "I never email dudes". This dude, Matt sent me a great first message so we met up in Soho for a drink. 

After about 30 seconds of the usual first-online-date awkwardness, which included me saying something like "should we hug?" and then we hugged, and then suddenly it was not awkward at all. He was comfortable to be around. 

He was jokey, I was jokey, we joked, we laughed. We talked about travel and what he is studying and why. We shared terrible and weird dating stories. We talked about stupid romantic gestures that happen around silly Valentines day (our date was the night before). He said he'd write me a haiku about our date. You better, I said. 

He did. And it was good. 

Date 2: I was excited enough about this date to tell my coworkers about it. Sure, I thought it was a bit odd that in the several hours during our first date he never asked me what I do for a living. It's an important of my life, and while the whole date shouldn't be focused on work talk I think it's important to find out where someone spends all those hours between 9-6 on Monday thru Fridays.

So I waited for him to ask me this question on our second date, and was hoping other questions would follow, because he didn't know too much about me. What happened was slightly different where I got to know too much about him, and when I'd share something about myself, I was often interrupted or cut short while he steered the conversation back to him. I know he got a bit drunk, and maybe he was nervous, but I mentally checked out after our first drink. He talked and talked, and made some really off jokes that were not second date appropriate. 

I can't connect with a person if the conversation is one-sided and he doesn't seem genuinely interested in my past experiences. Because they are who I am and who I will be with him if we date. 

Lessons learned from this experience: 

1. Dick jokes + period humor (yup, you read that right) = bad second date comedic subjects. And believe me, I love a good dick joke in the right place at the right time. 

2. Asking me questions + listening to my answers = good.