Stuff in Guys' Profiles that Makes Me Want to Puke

"I'm new to this whole online dating thing. Don't worry we'll lie about how we met.

Let's be real. The internet is like 20 years old and online dating is older than some teenagers alive today. None of it is weird anymore. 

"I hate summarizing myself. I never know what say."

If you are an adult person and over the age of 30 you should know yourself by now and should know exactly what to say. Please log out, get some confidence and then get back online. 

"I'm looking for..." 
  • Someone equally comfortable in an elegant restaurant and a divey bar with a good jukebox.
  • You can pull your own weight whether you're wearing heels, sneakers, flip flops, or your toes are going commando in the sand.
  • You enjoy wearing heels as much as you do sneakers or flip flops, one of the sexiest things is a woman in jeans and heels.
  • I'm looking for a woman who is the same person wether she is wearing slippers or high heels.
  • I'm looking for some one who is just as comfortable in jeans and gym shoes as she is in heels and a dress.
  • You are as comfortable in hiking boots as heels.
  • You consider your self a hard working girl classy but sexy, can be in jeans and a shirt or play dress up in heels
  • I'm looking for someone who is just as comfortable in heels, at a club, as she is in Nikes at the Getty.
  • You can feel comfortable and sexy in a pair of sweatpants as easily as in a pair of high heels. (But NOT sweatpants and high heels at the same time.)
  • One who is comfortable wearing heels and mini skirt or sweats and t-shirt.

Boys listen here: women don't feel the same in sneakers and sweats as they do in heels and dresses. THAT IS WHY WE WEAR HEELS AND DRESSES. To feel sexy inside and out. To accentuate our legs and butts and boobs. Because we're ladies. And any woman with feet is able to wear sneakers, heels, and slippers, she just might choose not to. 

Also, is there some world shortage of women who can't step inside both fancy places and dive bars? What happens - do they melt? I did not get the memo but obviously we should alert the UN and see if they have some peacekeeping troops available to remedy this crisis. 

If only I could handle all kinds of venues, then maybe I wouldn't be single! If only I had heels and sneakers and liked to wear both I wouldn't be single!

Excuse me, I have go to puke now.