99. March 2014: According to Michael, I'm the Worst

How Did You Meet: Tinder

Name: Michael

Height: 5'6"

Age: 32

Occupation: film-prop-guy

Good quotes from date(s):

Him: "This is the worst date I've ever had."

Me: "Thanks"

Why is he still single?  see everything here

Did he pay for the date? Barely. I had to cover the whole tip

Did he contact you after the date? Yes immediately after, then I blocked him

How many dates did you go on? Not even a whole date

Would you recommend to a friend? Only if she were my enemy


Four years ago if a date behaved the way Michael did I would have punched him in the nuts. Or yelled, or cried, or said something meaner back. But with 90-something dates behind me I shoved my ego out of the way and saw clearly that his issues and behavior were all his own. They had nothing to do with me.  

After about 10 minutes of regular online dating small talk about jobs and how our days went, Michael insulted my brother for still living in my home state and asked me if I thought I actually smart. He then waxed on about how technology is the end of society, none of us behave like humans anymore because we forgot how to feel, and we're basically all robot assholes.

I slowly sipped my ginger fizzy cocktail. I listened. I responded when I thought it was my turn to talk (he paused for a second), and I stated my opinion, which was different than his. Apparently, a woman with opinions was not Michael's jam. 

This date was not going as he planned, and it was my fault, he said. Because I was being snarky, when all he was doing was trying have an intellectual debate. By debate he must have meant "I-have-all-the-answers-to-everything-so-shut-up-and-listen." 

One thing we did agree on was yes, this date was not going as either of us planned. I gave him a way out. "We're both adults (well one of us - me). It's okay this didn't work out. If you'd like to go, it's no problem."

This incited a firestorm of rage in his small-statured body. He jumped up from the bar stool, threw (not enough) cash on the bar, looked me in the eyes and said: "This is the worst date I've ever had."

Ha! Nice try buddy, you are NOT the worst date I've ever had.

I responded with a calm and collected, "Thank you." because he had real shit to deal with, like everything in life that was unpleasant and challenging, and it was best to be worked out with a therapist not a Tinder date.  He ran out of the bar.

Ten minutes later I got this text:


I finished my drink, paid, and walked out with my dignity.