Game of Thrones: Where Love Can't Survive

But I sure wish it could.

Yes. I'm obsessed with Game of Thrones. Are you? It's okay if you say no. That doesn't matter. Not really. This isn't about the show. It's about love. 

And unfortunately for every character love dies as quickly and as bloody as people do. But the talk about love rings true in the darkest and most beautiful ways. 

 Some quotes from the last two episodes of Season 4:

Sam asked Jon Snow about what it's like to be in love:

"It's this person, this whole other person, you're wrapped up in them. They're wrapped up in you. For a little while, you're more than just you...well, I don't know! I'm not a bleeding poet!"

True. He's no poet. But he's right. 

Chat between Jon Snow and Tormund about Ygritte:

Tormund: "Did you love her? She loved you ..."

Jon: "Did she say that?"

Tormund: All she ever talked about was killing you. That's how I know." 

WHOA. Love and hate - the finest of all lines? I remember I once said to my ex-boyfriend, "I love you so much I want to punch you in face." (I didn't, but I can understand Ygritte's feelings). 

Sadly Jon's love died in his arms. Damn arrows!

Ygritte: "Jon Snow."
Jon: "Don't talk."
Ygritte: "Do you remember that cave? We should've stayed in that cave."
Jon: "We'll go back there."
Ygritte: "You know nothing, Jon Snow."

The cave has a pool. Of course.

The cave has a pool. Of course.

Ygritte is right. They won't get back to the cave where they fell in love and made love. 

I remember what it's like to have a new love, to be in love. You together live in a figurative "cave" where you explore each other and eschew the outside world. Your new found love drapes a rosy lens over everything you see and experience. 

Instead of complaining about the stuff that usually enrages you - like your stupid boss or the gross dude on the subway who rubbed his crotch against you - you laugh about it. 

Because you met another human who loves you by choice! And you love him or her back.

In time the cave walls fall away. You're still in love but reality is now real. And that guy on the subway and your boss make you mad again. 

Is it possible to rebuild that cave? Or something different but serves the same purpose? That acts as a safe space for the two of you to go and hide, and get wrapped up in each other again?

I am thinking about love. And unlike in Game of Thrones, I do believe love can survive. 

Posted on June 22, 2014 .

Comment: A Curious Commodity

New comment from Curious on If I Could be Brutally Honest on Tinder:

That kind of serious is lovely and all, but there's only one way to put it and that's being blunt about it: being an alpha male with options, I'd rather have that type of serious relationship with a mentally mature woman whose body hasn't gone through the changes your parents warned you about.

I'm sure you can find your serious relationship but the key is to lower your expectation realistically; you've used up a good part of your budget during those many years of casual sex, which I have no problem with btw, and now, just realistically, your value is less in the daring [sic] market. But again, I'm sure there are guys out there who'd be down for a serious relationship with you. Just keep having the right question in mind....

Dear Curious,

On behalf of all IRL women aged 35 and over, thank you.

For being honest and direct. For knowing what you want. For reading my blog and for sharing your thoughts. Here are mine….

I wish you all the luck in the world in your quest to find a “mentally mature” woman with the body of a 22 year old. If you succeed, please introduce us so I may ask her directly the secret to life.

As a business-minded woman with a Master's Degree who works as a project manager (who still gets paid much less than her male counterparts), I respect your concern for “budgets” and "markets". Lord knows I like to keep my revenue high and my costs low.

However you commodify a woman when you talk about her in terms of budget and value. You enter into dangerous and misogynistic territory. Is my body used up? Can any human body become over-used thereby reducing its value? Is the dating market an actual market where goods are supplied and demanded?

Am I the goods?

I’m no scientist but I am absolutely sure that the human body doesn’t have a finite amount of times it can experience pleasure or intimacy (thank you, Jesus!). And being the mentally mature woman that I am, I do not think about my sex-life or my self-worth in terms of P&L. 

Thank you for reminding us physically mature women born in the late 1970s/early 80s that we should have the right questions in mind when dating:

1. Is he an “alpha male with a lot of options”?

2. Do I want him to be my life partner? 

And since we moved out of caves long long ago, began to wear clothes, invented Netflix, and stopped considering a club over the head a "date", the answers to these questions are:

1. YES. 

2. NO.

For me, an IRL mentally mature man is someone who is kind, open, loving and funny, who accepts age with grace (his and mine). A man who loves me wholeheartedly. 

If I were a woman who had low expectations 100FD would not exist. I would be married to my ex-boyfriend who wasn't as kind or loving as I thought and was rarely open and never funny. 

Curious, you too will be old one day. You will age out of the dating market as your testosterone levels drop and your “options” will drastically reduce. Your alpha will turn to beta. You may need Viagra just to get it up.

Will you have a woman at your side? Will she be young? Will she be old?

Will that matter?

I am a woman. 

I am a woman, looking for a man. 

You are a boy now. 

 

Posted on June 6, 2014 .