Q&A: Break-up before Christmas? Or...

Q: I know I need to break it off with my boyfriend of a few months soon. But I'm supposed to go to his house for Christmas and spend it with his entire family. Should I do it before Christmas or wait until after? 

A: I had some thoughts about this question, but I wanted to see what others had to say as well. Here are some of those answers:

  • "Just wait. It'll be a little less awful."
  • "Do the thing you'd want done to you. In my case, break up now. Maybe offer to go still if bf wants to avoid family dramarama."
  • "Before. But offer to go to his house for Christmas if he'd like."
  • "Before, so you don't have to spend the holiday with their family!
  • "I would say before Christmas - always.  Mostly because they have the opportunity to just go out, unhindered on New Year's Eve."

I like the idea of doing what you would want done to you - Golden Rule and all that. Before or after - either way is going to really suck for him if he has no idea it's coming. The sooner the better is how I would want to be treated so I can be mad, cry, heal, and then move on. Also if you don't want to spend New Year's Eve with him then most definitely talk to him before Christmas because doing it in between those holidays seems even more terrible.

This happened to me once. My boyfriend of 8 months (we were dating long distance) called me two days before my birthday and said he didn't know if he wanted to date anymore. I was surprised and I had a whole birthday weekend planned with him coming to visit me in DC and going to dinner and having a lot of birthday sex. I didn't like what he was telling me. 

Then he said he thought about having this talk after my birthday and letting me enjoy the weekend, but that ultimately he didn't think that was the right thing to do. In my state of sadness and rage I remember thinking (and probably said) "DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS! I'LL BE FINE!" 

I thought it was an obnoxious thing for him to say. We didn't end of up breaking up and I did have a nice birthday weekend but we of course broke up a few months later. Just before he was supposed to come to my family's house for Thanksgiving...

No, my story doesn't have a point only that if it were me, I would want someone to break it off as soon as they feel they need to. Not to drag it on...because yes, my feelings will be hurt, but I can recover and so can my family. I would hate to have someone spend Christmas day with me and my family thinking everything is wonderful, only to find out that all he was thinking was "BABY JESUS, I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE."

Do it NOW. Do it quickly. And let him move forward in 2012.