Interview with a Guy in a Relationship

My good friend from Improv and I sat down to chat over burgers and fries on a rooftop. "This is going to be boring," he said, "Because I love my girlfriend." For the record, I've met his girlfriend, she is lovely, and this interview is anything but boring. It puts my worst date stories to shame.


Name: Cru Jones

Height: 5’6”

Age: 36

Occupation: grad student, economic development

Relationship Status: In a relationship (in love!)

How long have you lived in NYC? 10 yrs

How did you meet your girlfriend? What did you do on your first date?

Trivia night at a bar in Bushwick (Brooklyn). I thought she was cute, so I approached her and her friend. We shared trivia answers. She claims that she put the moves on me first... I got her number and texted her that night. We made brunch plans for the next day.

Did you pay for brunch?

No, we split brunch. It was definitely a date, but I feel like paying for a girl puts a label on the situation, and adds pressure to both people. I’m more casual. I’d rather have fun and get to know each other. I actually sat next to her instead of across from her. It’s more comfortable that way. When the bill came she said, “No it’s alright, let’s split it” and I loved that. We ended up hanging out the rest of the day.

Did you have a talk about dating exclusively?

No we never did, it happened organically probably after about a month we knew we really liked each other... It was just natural.

How you ever tried online dating? Why Not?

No. I meet enough people in real life. I have no fear of approaching girls. Also, short dudes don’t do all that well online. My charm comes through a lot more in person.

Do you normally ask out women via text or another way?

It’s more natural to ask a girl out via text these days. I’m older so I remember the days when it was more appropriate to call a girl up and ask her out over the phone. The digital world has made dating more causal and in some ways better.

I have friends who are awkward with women. They expect things to be more stereotypically romantic. They build up pressure of how so-called “dates” should begin and end. So texting can turn into a super difficult thing...

Do men over analyze texts - the words and the response time - as much as women do? Because we do it a lot, and we get help from our girlfriends.

I try not to over analyze text too much. At times I’ve analyzed texts, but the tone is too hard to detect. Some people are just lazy texters. When I text, I just try and respond to the last message. I’m a dude who doesn’t use a lot of emoticons if that tells you anything.

Actually that tells me a lot! Who pays on the first date? What about the second date?

I have definitely gone out with girls who have wanted me to pay all the time.That’s a turnoff. I’m a student so it’s hard. I don’t like feeling obligated to pay all the time.

Tell us about one of your worst/craziest dates ever.

A few years ago, I went on a date with a girl a week after Valentine’s Day. Confusing girl. For the majority of the date she talked about guys she dated in the past, which I normally don’t mind if it shaped her in a positive way. She kept talking about these dudes, how attractive they were – and this is really weird… apparently a lot of them were male models. I don’t know if she was trying to make me jealous or just kinda bragging in a weird way...

I just thought it was kind of funny, because no one gets intimidated by male models. It felt like a date where she was trying to game and test me. We had no real chemistry. When we kissed we banged our teeth together. She was inappropriately sexual and kinky. But she also talked about wanting a real relationship.

It was snowing when we left the bar at 4am. We trekked through Saint Marks Place. Astor Place was covered in a layer of snow - a winter wonderland. The night became kinda romantic. We wrote silly snow messages on the hoods of parked cars; we kissed up against an old Chevy pickup truck. Then she surprised me with, “Shield me.” “Huh?” I said. She dropped her pants and began to urinate in the white powdery snow. So there I am shielding her and she’s staring up at me with her big brown eyes. We kiss while her pants are still down and she places my hands on her cold pale bare butt. When she finished she asked, “I bet no one has ever done that with you before.” I replied, “Nope.”

I need five more glasses of wine to recover from that story. Insane! Amazing! What was the longest relationship you've had? Do you think dating in NYC is more difficult than other places?

2.5 yrs is the longest relationship I’ve had. I’ve been with my girlfriend for seven months now. I like relationships but NY is not always conducive for relationships. I think its easier elsewhere; people get bored in other cities. Or it could be a maturity thing. Here in New York people are always looking for the next best thing, I don’t know.

If there is one piece of advice that you could give all women about relationships, what would it be?

(He sips wine slowly) This is a hard one! I think women in NY are more particular. Try to find the real chemistry. Let it develop and not let whatever is in your head about dating interfere. Don’t always listen to your girlfriends!